The Awakened Family (2019)

A Revolution in Parenting.

Tsabary truly is breaking down old parenting traditions and putting forth a powerful new premise on how to parent. The framework Dr. Tsabari details here has the potential to be game-changing. The central point of her framework is to drop your expectation for what your child will like or dislike and let them decide for themselves. This seems risky and all, but it makes sense if you read the book and hear her support for the method. Some of what makes it work are the “Awakened” part of the title.

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The thing is, Tsabari’s delivery is very much that of a prophet, guru, or authoritative life coach in that she states “how things are” and doesn’t bother with support or proof. And some of that includes rhetorical stances that assume a shared perspective without bothering to establish that perspective (like that “fear” underlies all negative emotion or that “ego” stands at the base of our problems with children).

“Tsabary asks parents to reflect on their own issues, struggles, and automatic reactions as the key to coping with the challenges of raising their children.”

The Book Guide® Editor

Tsabary calls parents out on their fears, egos, assumptions, and privileges. She shoots down the practice of time-out or any other consequence that stems from a parent’s need for control. She argues that instead of setting rules that are an ultimatum to children, we should work to encourage children to buy into healthy life choices that fall under the following “Life-Enhancing Boundaries”

-Respect for oneself–self-care through hygiene and sleep
– Respect for one’s environment–a tidy room and home
– Respect for one’s mind–the process of education either formally or informally
– Respect for family and community–connecting and contributing to society

It all sounds idealistic, but she actually does give real-world examples. I would recommend this book to every parent. Not everyone will love this approach and might find it absurd that much of the focus is on working on ourselves and accepting them (kids) for where they are and not buying into society’s notions of what that looks like.